The remaining 11984 satellites are the really cheap ones!

At least they died doing what they loved: trying not to die.

“The low-cost probe is not expected to last beyond a day or two”

And I think of The Weakerthans:

This is the Chris Davis of takes. At one point people thought it was good, and in certain contexts it was great, but it just keeps getting trotted out there whether it makes sense or not.

Funny enough, they put this one up in the home team clubhouse at Comerica in advance of opening day:

No more than I am able to quit paying them as someone without children at all, Einstein.

All I can hope for is that no Whataburger suffered any damage. If that happens, its time to bring out the national guard.

I hate when students burn couches as a way to celebrate (or lament) the results of a sporting event. The only time it’s appropriate to burn a couch is whenever you feel like it, without any connection whatsoever to any outside event, done purely as a random act of wanton destruction.

Yeah, but what if you go live in one of those isolated places and someone comes and builds a windmill nearby? Bang, instant cancer.

Passenger: “Do you speak english?”
Pilot: “Oui un peu.”
Passenger: “This is a nice jet.”
Pilot: “Merci.”
Passenger: “You know, during the Falkland Islands... uh... incident, I flew quite a few missions in jets like these.”
Pilot: “Ca c’était quoi?”
Passenger: “Missions, you know, sorties.”
Pilot: “Sortie?”
Passenger: “Yeah,…

I use denture tabs to clean mine every day, which is necessary because they are truly disgusting after a night of being repeatedly coated with slimey saliva.

This, then, is what happens when a king of the three true outcomes loses his bat speed, and with it his power to keep pitchers honest, and is reduced to a one-true-outcome hitter. (The one true outcome for all of us is decline, and, eventually, death.)

That was quite a Tempest, Bledsoe.

Masseuse in Green Bay could very well be the least erotic job in the country. God, you really have to be out of options to get into the practice of kneading the backfat of that population of total goobers. Telling yourself that it’s worth hearing all the “oh gaahhhd and oh craaap that’s good” because their constant…

I used to think that before baseball went to the imbalanced schedule, and now I have to watch the Padres nineteen times a year.

so the testing won’t stop, just the killing them afterwards?

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You can tell he clearly knows he didn’t get all of it. And flips the bat out of frustration. This is a terrible post.