If I had been there and been witness to that, regardless of whether I was the unfortunate guy being blocked from sitting with his own family or a bystander/witness to his asshole-ness, Mr. Penn would’ve been met with one hell of an ass kicking in the parking lot after the credits.

Well? Did she cum or what?!

“I promise I will never cheat on you. My dad cheated on my mom and it ripped our family apart. I could never do that to anyone, especially you.”

Yes, actually, I did miss that. Thank you.

No, she didn’t. I’m tired of these bullshit fake stories popping up. You didn’t get banned from a football stadium because you’re wearing a Turban. Your teacher, in the middle of a goddamn class full of students, didn’t single you out and ask if you had a bomb in your backpack. This shit is made up to capitalize on…

Living in a small town can be a nightmare as it is, but when the holidays come around it’s even worse. New Years Eve, 2007. I’m 23. There’s nothing to do and no one to do it with. My friend and I go to dinner and then find out that his other friend is having a couple people over for NYE and wants us to join. Fine. Not…

What in the hell is oral sodomy?

1980’s Traci Lords!

Carter beat cancer like 6 times, and just did so again at fucking 91 years old. No way he’s letting a nosebleed try and fuck up his life.

Be a man and name your daughter Belladonna.

As a Colts fan, there wasn’t much fun to be had watching last nights beat down. Until this happened. Thank you, Antonio. I could be all butt-hurt and complain about “sportsmanship” and “showboating” and whatever else some bitch-ass Colts fans are attempting to cry about, but that was just pure gold and your…

Bronze? Looked brown to me...

When I was 11, for like a week, I became a Pyro. I just became obsessed with fire and lighting things on fire and seeing things burn and melt and char and yeah, not really sure where that all came from. I was 11, and never had a babysitter because I was a smart kid and could take care of myself (plus it was the early…

While the visuals are great (sad) the background noise, like the unseen guy just shouting “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” is the best part. Oh Cleveland, never change. Except in every literal way possible.

She did it. She did it worse than any of the other GOP Candidates. She went full retard. Good lord.

I’m most baffled by the 0 attendees. There wasn’t even a janitor absentmindedly cleaning in the background somewhere that could have been counted as a “fan” just to make it seem a little better? And not one single parent of any of these girls was there? Like every single parent saw the game on the schedule and said…

Well, there goes me ever calling it Burger King again. I don’t care if I live smack dab in the middle of Bumfuck, Indiana, it’s Hungry Jack’s to me from here on out!

A friend of mine is a violator of the Facebook/Naked Kids thing. Like, big time. I mean I get it, he’s proud of his kids and wants to show them off to his friends. But his kids are both girls and are, I shit you not, 4 and 6. And I’m convinced they never fucking wear clothes. Ever. The parents do, but the kids are…

Before I even read any of these stories I just wanna jump in and say, I love you Pinkham, and I’ll be right there with you at Wonkette starting the 30th. Gawker has made a lot of stupid decisions over the years and still managed to be ok but not this time. They’re officially on my shit list for killing one of my true…

I’m a male and had a male boss constantly give me unwanted attention because of what I suspected to be a foot fetish. I’m a single guy and only have myself to worry about in life, and for most single people that means having excess money. That I then spend on things. Work was business casual and for me, mainly out of…