Wow. Just ... wow.

"Why can't I find a fucking typewriter anywhere? THESE COLUMN INCHES AREN'T JUST GONNA FILL THEMSELVES."

Well they're both dumb. Though one much moreso, obviously.

From tabloid culture to politics, I will never understand our culture's obsession with knowing who strangers are fucking.

Read it again.

It would take an even more cynical bastard than me to dislike Weird Al. He's awesome.

Is there a reason this wasn't posted to Screamer? Please don't tell me Screamer was a World-Cup-only thing. I grew to love it so.

And Larry Bird. Don't forget the twenty-some-odd mentions of Bird in the column.

I've watched this like ten times, and "You son of a bitch, why? Tell me why!" is still cracking my shit up.

You disparage the work of VAL OKWARA at your peril.

That man has no lips.

Most sprinters also don't react to a slight nudge to the shoulder as if they took a shotgun blast to the chest.

I think it's probably more that the minority that are realizing they're being phased out are just getting louder.

In some way, I get the "lazy leg" argument; the problem is, the punishment for having a "lazy leg" is overly severe, especially when the offensive player is so obviously penalty-hunting. There doesn't seem to be any way in real time to "fix" the result of a penalty awarded because of a dive. So you have to try to take…

Probably because we're a country founded by puritans. That prudishness is slowly - slowly - being phased out.

Fucking Ashley Young.

I generally root for the Dutch, but Jesus Christ Robben was flopping around the pitch like a fish out of water yesterday. There was one in the first half where he was legitimately taken down and the ref missed it. Then there were at least three outright, unquestionable dives after that, before the final…

A friend gave me the same advice seven or eight years ago. I went with Villa. After a few enjoyable years, the last four have been a slog.

I'll probably be considered a sports philistine, but I have never gotten the outright adoration of a professional athlete who was by basically all accounts a gigantic asshole, not to mention the beneficiary of more preferential treatment from officials than any modern athlete other than maybe - maybe - Greg Maddux.…

Holy shit, seriously? Again?