Will donate my next bonus check if they promise to send one to every dude I work with. Boners EVERYWHERE. Like, can you put that shit down it’s just coffee and donuts.

Wow, really? No. Even us poors allow our children to keep the money that they earn themselves.

“Ladies leave your bags at home, the store is full of paper ones and totes make me groan.

THEY HAVE THUMBS SO THEY CAN

im not gunna fuck him but he is both swag and gentlemanly classiness incarnate

I failed this quiz by picking the less attractive gorilla. So if you are an average to ugly gorilla and you want to hang out, text me.

they look like people in gorilla costumes

so i know how closely our DNA resembles primates but it legit freaks me out how much the faces/expressions they make look like human faces/expressions

RELEASE THE NAME OF THE DONOR.

Where is the Whoopi “You in danger girl” gif? It just seems appropriate.

NBC has a multicolored logo? How sad that all of you noticed that. I wouldn’t know, of course, since I don’t see color. <preens>

There’s no middle ground with older guests. They’re either really sweet and the best customers you’ve ever had, or they’re the absolute worst.

Hire a fucking skywriter. Rent a Goddamned billboard.

That’s what you have been led to believe. You think it’s this big stupid coincidence that right after they disappeared, Alaska became a state and we started to explain all the weird stuff in the air with this nonsense about a “magnetosphere” around us all?

Stop shaming the crochet crowd. Everybody knows it’s a hookers life.

Front hugging, sinful and verboten. Molesting four of your sisters, including a 5 y/o, boys will be boys. Lesbians licking spoons, SINFUL PROPAGANDA THAT IS HIGH IN PROTEIN AND GREAT WITH FRESH FRUIT.

I don’t know. I’m a white guy helping to raise a Rosemary plant. Are you saying I’m not half-delicious?

Using the term ‘transracial’ for this is super annoying, because the term ALREADY means something and it’s not what it’s being used for here. I’ve come across it in regards to transracial adoptions, which refers to when a child is adopted into a family of a different race. This is actually a really important issue for…