Fucking Mr. Jennings, fuck you.

I choose this as my Mom story:

Shrimps, shrimps wherever you can hide them!

Got dragged out of a bar by my friend after I got shitfaced and started crying uncontrollably. The cause- “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” came on and I JUST WANTED TO DANCE WITH SOMEBODY WHO LOVES ME.

I think we should all go through and make a list of things we would have on our ridiculous adjective bodies:

Belinda doesn’t sound tough or determined. Poor Belinda...if only this poster was around on her prom night! #prayersforBelinda

Call Belinda, who seems on the verge of quitting. Also call the school district.

Yeah. Lol I wonder what the male equivalent poster words would be, probably something like:

gurl learn to fan flirt stat

What dry shampoo do you use? Batiste is THE BEST. I also use Lush’s No Drought powder. Whether I’m using a spray or a loose powder, the key is it tousle the powder into the scalp with your fingers rather than brush it out. Just my two cents. My sister has thinner hair than me (we both get greasy on the daily) and…

Farrah is a grade A narcissist (literally) but Gary is a piece of shit. He’s an emotionally manipulative douchebag who enjoys tormenting the women in his life. Amber seems to really have gotten her life together after going to “gel” so I hope she can be a good influence in her daughters life.

If it’s loose, it’s because she mostly talks out of it.

Were any burns necessary beyond simply pointing out that his Twitter handle is “ItsGaryTime”? That seems sufficient to me. Less is more, Farrah. Less is more.

ALL OF THESE NAMES! who are these people! why am i so old! where did i put my glasses!

I hope I’m still flashing men I’m not married to at that age.

Ghost sex and throwing George under the bus. The way she treated TR Knight was what killed it for me.

I’m not a native English speaker and I had no idea what a jock strap was, so I went straight to Google Images... LOL, thanks for that.

When I was in 4th grade, I was already nearly 5’10”. Which is my current height. I was basically a year from finishing puberty. They thought I had a pituitary tumor and might die. Turns out I just have a huge pituitary and some hormone disorders. Point is, shit was hard for youngrootof. Kids were fucking dickbags.

What do you get your mom if she’s an emotionally-stunted, immature, self-centered, image-obsessed person who sent you to a therapist and tried to convince you that you had "issues" when it was really her all along and who makes fun of the gifts you buy her because she’s so emotionally messed up that she has an…