Imma guess the Illuminati cut you off before you could finish

At my school, every dorm had signs pointing to where you were supposed to go along with some attempt at light-hearted fun/bad jokes.

The email addresses on AOL were your usernames but because I was 12 I thought there were two separate things. I actually would email their username and ask what their email address was and then write it down in a little book.

I still don’t understand how someone who has been married four times can say with a straight face that it undermines her religious beliefs to allow gay people to marry.

Having experienced both, Jersey’s not even close. It’s like the difference between Yoko Ono and John Wayne Gacy. New Jersey is Yoko - tries too hard, is infuriating, and always gets shit for what they’re not to blame for (okay, and some that they are to blame for). Florida is Gacy - psychotic, dangerous, frequently…

I laughed so hard reading this I choked on the sandwich I was eating. I did not die, but when I do, please deliver my eulogy. As my sex worker. Thank you.

I basically babbled. Something along the lines of, “I’m so glad he has such an open minded and loving family, but I’m not a sex worker and I really only know him from the amazing stories my new coworkers tell me. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sure I would’ve loved him but maybe not that way but maybe that way…

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

I am horrified by myself that I did this, but this is by far the most awkward thing that I have ever experienced at a funeral.

Can’t you miserable people be happy he’s making that kind of money?

“Last time I checked I was number one on Forbes list.”

All you have to do is this but to a vagina, right? Allegedly...

Things like this lead to conspiracy theories like the one claiming that Gruden intentionally wants Griffin to get injured, but that doesn’t hold water for one potentially messy reason.

“Dave’s not here, man.”

Next up: the Detroit Lions.

See for most places sure. At Northwestern it really is alot different. Due to the cost of living in Evanston, players get over 1,000 dollars a month. A lot of these players end up with amazing jobs in industry that aren’t football related, like Kain working for Goldman Sachs the summer before his senior year (even as…

One day, I hope someone invents a device that rich men could use when they want to have sex with random women but don’t want all the risks of getting them pregnant and having to pay child support.