how to get away with broken turn signals:

“Restaurant food was decent but I had to provide my own bread and wine. The next day I was nailed to a plank of wood and died. Would not recommend.”

I’m from Scranton. Whenever I visit, which is not often, I’m reminded why it was once referred to as “the armpit of America”. It’s a backwards, anti-intellectual area full of cranky elderly people who stare out their windows to spy on you.

Worst place I ever got sick was camping in the Sierra Mountains with my family. After a week of camping, on our last night, I was struck with a really nasty stomach bug. We had spent the afternoon drinking margaritas, so when the first wave of nausea hit, I thought it was the tequila. But no. How I wish it had been…

WHO ASKED FOR THIS

My god those SHOES

Never knew until just now that Comet and Air Bud were the same dog. Dog had the most successful career of anyone on the show.

DAMNED SKIPPY.

Sweet mother of God this kind of stuff makes my blood boil. I have never worked in the food industry, but I know from sources like this just the kind of living hell it is, so I try to do my best by you all; the very least you deserve is respect.

At some point in history my kids got possession of fake dog shit that looks troubling real. They use it often and it has been an April Fool's staple in the past. This morning I went into the bathroom and saw it on the floor, Ha Ha real original guys. It was only after I'd picked it up with my bare hand I realized…

My 1.5 year old smelled like she crapped her diaper.

I had a cathedral-length drop veil (so it was held on by pins) and it slipped and slid everywhere on my head, messing up my hair in the process. My sister repeatedly had to fix it. It was gorgeous but I was so glad to take the damn thing off come reception time!!I know it's not X rated but god damn sometimes what…

Really glad I read through that whole thing just to get to the conclusion that because Poythress likes school and has a sister, John Calipari isn't an asshole for making millions by promising a path to the NBA that he doesn't have to deliver. Neither of those facts changes Burneko's conclusion.

Carnac the Magnificent: It took the hospital 8 hours to officially pronounce him dead because he was so good at flopping.

more cameras yes

BCO is the only thing I look forward to on Mondays .

i had a boyfriend, from before i realized i wasnt obligated to blow anyone, who just didnt get it that i actually cannot breathe through my nose and when he pressed my head down it was like holding me under water. That was the straw for me i think.

Right? 'Oh no guys! I looked at the world's blowjob inventory and there are missing blowjobs! We counted them all! A few are missing. Why isn't this cat lady coming up with the missing blowjobs?!"

Same here. If you know that's the price of admission, why is everyone complaining? Just don't date her if you want a blowjob. It's that easy.

It's all cute and adorable until you sign the papers and find out that she actually comes with the house.