Don’t you do it, Hitler. Don’t you dare fall in love with me.

I’ve begged my boyfriend to let us go as the Sanitas chips girl and the Tapatio salsa guy (we eat a lot of Mexican food). He says no every year.

I grew up in the next town over from where Jeffrey Dahmer grew up. Everyone has a Dahmer story. My dad knows the brother of the first victim who was buried at his grandmother’s house in Bath, Ohio. Jeffrey Dahmer’s dad subsitute taught my science classes all throughout high school.

I hate that I know this, but, Halle Berry has been ringless for a while now. She lost her engagement ring in the ocean in Mexico. Some dolphin is probably looking hella fly right now.

Yeah, can’t really see Amal as the picking up shit type.

Yeah, I think I was born either 20 years too late or 10 years too early. I came of age as computers in every home started to become a reality and porn was available at your fingertips for really the first time. I think girls now have more resources about variety and what’s normal, but in 1999, there really wasn’t much…

Why is Dracula not an option? Too obvious? If it were Gary Oldman’s Dracula, 10/10, would bang (even boob-haired old man Dracula).

Ugh, hugs to you. Men are the fucking woooooooorst. Like, how would you feel if we looked at your weird ball skin and was like “ew, what the fuck?”

Not even considered an ex, more like an acquaintance I had a few classes with, we ran into each other at a party, got kind of drunk, and it was like “hey, we should bone!”

Love you (insert kiss face emoji here).

Are you okay now? Did you notice a lessening of sensation because of it? I’m sorry you felt like you had to go through that.

Well, I’m gonna be honest here: It’s been an issue for me. I was VERY insecure about it as a teen, and didn’t let a boy even touch me until I 18 because I was afraid my vagina was weird (thanks, internet porn!). The very second boy I ever slept with drunk dialed me the very next day to leave me a voicemail to say…

also was just thinking how men with huge cocks aren’t told “oh you have redundant penile tissue.” Everyone’s just “high five for your monster dong!” Shouldn't we women also be praised for being well endowed in our genital region?

I went through some insecurity in my younger years (middle school exposure to internet porn). But decided that I like orgasms and a functional vagina more than having a neat and tidy labia.

Is that a thing that women don’t wear underwear with yoga pants? I’m all for going commando while wearing the baggiest sweatpants in the comfort of my home during an abc family Harry Potter marathon, but I'm with you. Tight pants and no undies equals pinched labias.

We need a nicer term than “roast beef curtains.” Pleasure drapes? Vagina Valance?

Kegels? Strapping a kettle bell to it?

Long labia haver here. I have never not once felt uncomfortable with my crotchal area in yoga pants. Literally everyone in my yoga class is packing a spandex burger. Doesn't matter.

Prior to myspace/facebook/instagram/etc I did use a webshots account in the early 2000’s. It was the first time I remember uploading pictures to a public platform to be shared. I think the site went defunct a few years ago, so sadly all of my middle school dance pictures are dust in the wind, but, I did use a digital…

I also remember thinking that camera phones were stupid and I would never use one. I also distinctly remember the very first commercial I saw advertising it: a woman was at a pet store taking pictures of puppies. As cute as it was, I still thought it was dumb.