I tend to over tip (around 25%) for beauty treatments for several reasons:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Pre-regulated Four Lokos was a dangerous mix of alcohol, caffiene, and whatever chemicals they put in that sludge (battery acid, probably). My boyfriend and I once drank a bunch and went to an amusement park. He later peed in a hotel bed and I painted the bathroom bright red with my vomit.

I like to throw up in sinks for precisely this reason. If ever I am in a situation where this is not possible, I think to myself, “people poop like 6 inches from where my face is” and then I vomit uncontrollably.

I also have a crazy dramatic fainting story!

Only tangentially related, but I used to work for a company whose 800 number was one number off from See’s. One year, they accidentally misprinted their number as our number and we had to spend an entire year fielding candy calls. You know who orders candy from a catalog? Really really really old people who don’t…

I am a finger wagging old, now, because I HATE the proliferation of “look how much we spoil our kids” posts on social media. Growing up, my siblings and I all got Easter baskets, but it was just candy, and maybe some school supplies or one small toy. When I became a teenager, we still got Easter baskets, but only…

Damn it feels good to be an atheist.

I’m 5’1. One of my best high school friends was 6’2 (yeah, she went on to play college basketball). It was like Gandalf and the hobbits.

Maisie is actually 5’1.

My boyfriend and I have lived together for 4 years, and we have (and will probably continue into a marriage) completely separate accounts. I'm more organized with keeping track of money, so all of our shared bills come out of my account, he writes me a check for his half, and it's all good. Most people look at us…

I usually start off in our shared bedroom, but I am a finicky sleeper, and if I wake up in the middle of the night, it can be impossible to go back to sleep. In those instances, I sneak over to our guest room and spread out like a starfish.

You are crazy. Two words. FREE HBO.

I’ve done some newborn pictures (i.e. I’m the only one my friends and family knows that has a dSLR and knows how to work it), and most of the time, those posed baby photos are composites or an assistant holds the baby and then gets Photoshopped out later. A cousin of mine asked me to do the above pose, and I was all…

Co-signed. It all tastes syrupy to me. Give me a Pinot Noir (sung in Titus Andromedon's voice, OBV) any day of the week.

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my boyfriend's sister finding out that she was pregnant with #2 after vehemently spending 2 years telling everyone that she only wanted one child.

I’ve never heard it said about me or my siblings (I was being flippant). Is any child an “illegitimate” child outside of maybe royalty? It’s a term that doesn’t really make sense in modern days.

At least she didn’t just show up with a baby...

Aw, fellow bastard child here. My parents got married when I was 2 (my sisters were 3 1/2, my brother 5 or so). They were only married 3 years before it went south. In my teens, my dad told me that they only got married in the first place because my grandmother told them they were an embarrassment for having 4…

Uh, my parents didn’t even tell their parents they were pregnant with me. I was born 3 months early and my dad had to call my grandfather and say “you should probably get to the hospital. By the way, we had a baby.” They fucking LOVED telling that story throughout my childhood. Didn’t make me feel bad about myself at…