Never underestimate a Mid-westerner's love of Target.

Yeah, you people are fucking raging over that stupid sentence.

I'm not even getting married. Weddings are a phenomenal waste of money—I would not have one that I could not pay for up front. I just said if I was, any money I received would be put towards paying my monstrosity of student debt. It would be more helpful to me than a $300 kitchen aid mixer. Nobody is obligated to give…

Clearly was being facetious.

I don't begrudge anyone who wants to go the typical registry route. Also, I'm not even engaged, and any wedding I held would not be one I could not pay for up front, so it would most likely be a small, simple affair. Like I said, it's been 7 years. Money is a big reason we're not walking down the aisle any time soon.

If people are going to spend money, I'd rather it be towards something that I actually need. I don't need dishes or appliances. Clearly getting married isn't a debt solution or I would have done it by now.

I've never had a registry for any reason, but I think that there is a minimum number of items or dollar amounts that you need to register for in order to have one. A lot of people do this to combat the perimeters set up by the retail store. Maybe I just know a lot of shady mo-fos.

I love those red envelopes. There's no "open-this-empty-card" disappointment when you see those red envelopes.

I do not understand people who say giving cash is tacky. Every bride I know has "over-registered" for things they don't care about or want because they want to return said item for a refund or store credit, which just seems like a roundabout way of just getting cash in the end without straight out asking for it. I…

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We have now lived together for 4 of them. When we eventually get married, I highly doubt we will register for gifts, because what the hell do we need? I think it's highly wasteful to register for upgrades of things you already have and that work fine because you have…

OH GOD. I just ralphed in my mouth a lil bit.

I think this is a good choice. I think it's just best if we get all of our satirical news from non-Americans (like John Oliver) so we as Americans can be told straight up what we're doing is bananas. Also, he is super cute, and I would like to put my mouth on his mouth.

Oh, he is dreamy.

My childhood summers were spent with my mom and dad dropping me and my 3 siblings off at the public pool, dumping towels, snacks, and sunscreen at our feet, and jumping back in the car and screeching those tires around the corner before we had a second to consider if we even wanted to go swimming that day.

This is super embarrassing, but I got sucked into a shame spiral of searching about Tom and Katie a few weeks ago when I was reading an article about how they haven't spoken in a while. I'm not kidding, I read a ton of articles back in 2005-2006 (and even read some message boards). At the time there was some…

OF COURSE. Always have that fear.

That needs to be clarified into "Plans (that you really didn't want to go to) got cancelled at the last minute by someone else." That shit feels so good it's like heroin.

Who in the fuck does that? Not throwing away trash that clearly belongs in the trash and not the sink is an entirely next level of lazy.

The dread when you drop a spoon in the garbage disposal and YOU KNOW your fingers are going to brush against a wet, slimy piece of something you once let mold in the refrigerator. I am seriously squicked out just thinking about it.

My boyfriend does this too. ESPECIALLY when it comes to complicated work stories. I have no idea what he is referring to, because I don't work in his industry, so I'm always like "Okay, PLEASE dumb this down for me and give me the 10 second version, I don't need every detail."