“No, a hot dog is panting.”

Can you ask this dog if he thinks a hot dog is a sandwich?

“Ooh I’m getting so much marzipan and hazelnut from this!”

No I do not make hash brown patties myself when I can buy 16 of them for 2 bucks

My name is on my thermos!

The good ol days...

I save bread.

I tried to get a “Fuck Mondays” going at my old job, but all I got was a restraining order. What a double standard.

that episode was fucking stressful

I want to state that I absolutely believe Feldman was assaulted as a child. But virtually every way he's attempted to deal with it as an adult, from saying he'd name names of people who are probably still hurting children today if people paid him enough, to starting a weird stripper cult, to saying he doesn't believe…

Gristle of any type and peaches.

It’s also pretty much Wisconsin’s answer to Mississippi.

FYI, “Fox Cities” is not a city. It’s a bunch of cities along the Fox river like Appleton and Oshkosh.

I’m now kind of mad that I went with my name as my Kinja name and not Au Jus Powder.

Might as well bring this one out of the greys because I enjoy the combination of backstory you’ve invented for me and the core “you can’t like two kinds of things” argument. This is quality Kinja and I want to serve it crudo-style with some pickled spring vegetables.

I am appalled that you do not think of them first as an italian beef stand.

This. Life is not an episode of Sesame Street. Not everyone gets a turn. Majority rules. Making everyone pay for a shitty meal because Lady Chicken Fingers can’t sit through one meal a week that didn’t fall off the back of a Sysco truck is asinine. Not every friendship can transcend childhood. Some people get stuck in…

“No, we’ve decided on this restaurant. If you don’t want to come with, then maybe next time.” 

I’m not even from Illinois and I know/love Portillo’s.

I’m pretty sure Trump repeats himself so much he’s be the first example made of that law.