1. It’s not “sales” itself being a metric. It’s sales of memberships specifically. You can be the top salesman of merchandise, but if you’re below average in sales of memberships, then you get pushed aside.

I know. Deklan is a terrible name.

Those eyes are definitely not dead. In fact when she is sleeping I assume that sneak out of her skull and go bar hopping.

“Vote Republican: And I will screw you like I do my wife; the same old position with absolutely no chance of satisfying your needs.”

That jelly’s for the biscuits.

Trying to conceal that he’s a lizard alien.

It’s a man-orah!

Not to brag or anything, but my dog already has her own REAL fur jacket.

So why should it be you and I should get along so awfully?

> cork taint

It's Louisiana. You ask them, "Did my momma and your momma go to school together?" And when they blink and say no, you stick them to the back of the line. If they blink and say yes or give some indication that they are local, you smile, tell them you'll tell your momma you saw them, and know it's an effective threat…

do you know how many projectile pop related deaths there are each year?

ONES OF THEM.

I was thinking the same thing. I kind of wish the manager had gone that route. Asked the guy if he needed an ambulance, told people to give him some air and shouted "DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS MAN IS?" in a helpful and empathic way.

I read this in Stefan’s voice.

My wife and I just call it TGI O’Chilibees.

Or she’s a huge Spice Girls fan?

Didn't the Bengazi Committee already address this?

Shame on Hillary for questioning the health of Gary. He was having a rough year. The stress hernia came back and he was doing the best he could.

All I know about Nantucket is Wings, and that’s all I need to know.

Or because it’s in their brains, and then is depleted whenever they have to, “deliver justice” via some hot, hot lead. Like a fucked up version of mana in RPGs