What says you, Andy Dufresne?

No...no it’s not. Most friends lie to each other about how close they are when they’re running late.

i want them to both releases slam songs a la Drake/Meek Mill but using computer noises

Well, have it your way.

David Johnson previously worked for the East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff’s Office as a full-time deputy from July 1997 to May 2003 .

Um hellloooooo it’s look left, look right, look left again... aren’t children indoctrinated with this anymore?

This is how I totes mah goats.

That is one hell of a bad translation by the bar, but, I hope, funny in hindsight.

the second i saw this headline and that ellie wrote it, my heart fluttered in excitement.

“Beat it, kid, I work alone!”

You know what, I’m going to copy&paste a really good post I saw on Tumblr. Not my words, but I wish they were because they are so right.

Maybe these corporations could use all the money they spending lobbying* politicians and use it to pay their employees like human beings. Or we could keep sliding into a cyberpunk megacorp dystopia. No matter how cool living in a William Gibson novel sounds, we should probably choose human decency.

My theory is that he doesn’t want to be President (as evidenced by systematically alienating every conceivable group). But I think he’s trying to make the other right wing douche canoes look more centrist, therefore making any/all of them more electable. Or maybe he’s trying to make Hillary president. Although I don’t…

This is a seminal observation which as made a vas deferens to the way in which I view this story.

To slap them, you’d have to let them in the park first and Walt’s will strictly forbids that.

or, as boyfriend calls it, Greasy Pumpkin

I generally agree with you but you are wrong about cream soda. Millions of people drink it!

Five years ago we got this cheese shredder as a gift. We’ve never used it. We just keep moving it around the kitchen counter.

I try not to keep useless stuff in my kitchen, but I do have a large hand painted ceramic bowl that I want to trash. Except I can’t because my grandmother COMMISSIONED the damn thing for me. It has SPRINGER SPANIELS painted on it. One of which is sitting in an easy chair reading a law book.