The encrypted email is cool and I like the name of that particular Kinja, but if I ever have secret info to pass you can we do the old-school thing where I put a chalk mark on a certain light post and you know to check the loose brick behind the old church? And there's got to be some kind of cipher involved in the…

Well, sorry, because you know I'm a fan and all, but "Cilantro Lime Crema" is a terrible substitute for guacamole and an even worse idea for a screenname.

Maybe they just get confused when people call it a "lift."

THIS GUACAMOLE IS THE INCORRECT COLOR.

Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurrrleeeeen.
I'm begging of you please put down that pan.
Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurrrleeeeen.
Please don't bake it just because you can.

And that horse? Just got punched by the flower girl.

Drugs are a helluva drug.

The smartest thing I ever did was eat my twin in utero.

"Hi! Happy wedding day! here's an old used penis cake!"

The allergy one makes me remember yet again why my brother and sister-in-law have a fondness for Disney.

I'm one of those "and a diet coke" people, but only because I hate the taste of regular coke. If I need the caffeine, I'm going to order a diet coke no matter what I'm eating. #notalldietcoke

I'm skinny as hell. Just look at all this skin - it wobbles when I wave...

Also have they never heard of cereal? I like how they acted like the only thing that could ever be served in a bowl is soup.

So at this place, everything tastes like ham?

There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,…

I save milk!

Just as fresh as it was in 1981! Reminds me of the years I spent riding around in my wagon with my imaginary tiger friends, I tell ya. We had some great times.

Probably. We would have gotten that one right if you came into my Taco Bell.

Normally it's Scott Walker who frustrates Racine. If it's the kids she's worried about, just hire an Eau Claire and things should be Superior from here on out.

Walker, Ex's Anger.