I grab his paws all the time and say, “LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT YOURSELF.” And then kiss them a lot.

That’s basically me 24/7 rn.

So elegant. So yoga. So cat.

Thank you, that’s a very validating thing to say, I appreciate it.

THANK YOU! He is excellent and a fucking Super Cuddler, which is nice for all the garbage feelings.

Thank you so much!!

SHE IS SO PRETTY. I am delighted by her nose. Do you just grab her face and push it against your face? Because that’s what I would do. She is legitimately one of the prettiest dogs I’ve ever seen. She’s like the doggy equivalent of a Better Homes and Gardens.
How are you? What have your past couple of weeks been like?…

It’s like a mashup of Elaine from Seinfeld and the 11th doctor’s wedding dance.

Your pet name-fu is on point. Much respect.

Oh my god!!! This cake!! I’m so impressed! It’s SO cute, which is a triumph, because I am super creeped out by minions. But this cake is truly adorable. Amazing!!

THIS IS EVERYTHING.

I love Halloween. I don’t have time to dress up this year, but my best friend is incredible at crafts and prop/costume making, and she’s going as a lady version of Mola Ram from Indiana Jones, so I’m living vicariously through her. I love your costume idea and I’m sad you don’t have more people around you that are…

OH MY GOD KITTEN. I love her. I want to pat her nose! What’s her name?

Thanks, doll!

He is expert-level cuddler. Thank you! HOW ARE YOU? I feel like I’ve been way out of the loop. Internet time is so much faster than regular time.

Thank you!!

He is VERY squishable and would welcome your face-squishing.

This was a great bad news/good news summary, and I appreciate you.

I LOVE IT. I respect tiny puppy’s commitment to snacks. I feel the same way, little guy.

Oh noooo, please don’t get skin-pregnant with maggots. Just... maybe take a vacation in a bubble! Like, a sexy bubble with arms, so you can be safe from illnesses and injury, but still look really fly while cuddling a sleepy sloth. Plus, constant personal space. BRB, going to buy myself a bubble.

YES!! I’m so glad it was a success. I hope your pain gets managed quickly! I am doing a VERY COOL congratulations dance. It involves a lot of fist pumping and finger poking, and it’s being done in your honor, this Very Cool dance that is definitely Very Cool and doesn’t make me look like an enthusiastic noodle. YAY…

what if, in heaven, you’re forced to spend eternity with your high school boyfriend/girlfriend

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!