OH NO. That is a garbage mountain. I am so sorry. I hope you get to feeling better soon, your poor body needs a break.

I will be drinking some themed beverage at a Halloween crappy movie night in a couple of hours, where I plan to double fist cupcakes and hide behind my hands because I’m a scary movie baby.

YOU GUYS. HI. I missed you. I’ve been out because my dog had to be put to sleep and I had too many feelings for the internet, and then we decided we could be sad or be sad AND have a puppy so we got a puppy because that’s what grown ups do and I’ve been spending all my time snuggling his big Great Dane paws. What did…

It’s also helpful for seeing the light that’s right before my eyes.

Thank you! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Yes I am. Also this is a dream. Also it’s always been a dream. Also you’re a ghost.

Are you still grey? That can’t be right.

Me too, man. And I secretly still love-hate Garden State, because I am a weak human.

Thanks, friend. <3

Amenities include:

YES. Yay! I’m very glad you’re out. Much earned.
I’m alright, thanks. I had to put my dog to sleep out of fucking nowhere, and it SUCKED, but we’re dealing. Pets, man. Stupid furry things with stupid short lives.

<3 Oh, you. (Thank you)

Are you out too, Snake?? Did I miss it? I was OFF Jez last week because sad stuff happened and I couldn’t gif or joke my way out of it and I feel like I missed so many things!

We are essentially describing Judy Funnie and I’m good with that.

I am disappointed in myself. Star for you.

Thank you, Hats! I hope you can come join me soon.

Thank you! I’m going to have to up my cool game. Sunglasses indoors is the way you do that, right? No? Either way, I’m going to start wearing sunglasses indoors. It feels right.

Thank you!! And only barely, but now my skin gives off a soothing blue glow, which is nice.

I appreciate that when asked, “What do you want me to do?”
The guy said, “UM” instead of “IT’S A FUCKING BEAR I DON’T KNOW YOU COULD DO WHAT I’M DOING WHICH IS JUST CONSTANTLY SHITTING AND PEEING BECAUSE THERE’S A BEAR LUMBERING AROUND LOOKING FOR SOME CHILDREN OR MATH TO EAT.”
“UM” is far more dignified.

ALSO! I’m…

Hi, I’m Kristiffer Lawredeschanel, and I’m here to talk about a cause very close to my heart. Every day, Manic Pixie Dream Girls across America are dying. Hundreds of women with crooked smiles and a penchant for describing sunsets while quoting your favorite Camus/Salinger/Dr. Seuss book are disappearing from your…

There’s a guy in my neighborhood who does that here too! AND he always has his golden retriever with him, just scooting down the street rather than the sidewalk. It makes me apoplectic.