No, it’s fine, I clawed my eyes out so everything is OK now.

NO FUCK NO GOD AWFUL NO FUCK EW EYES YOUR EYE GOD YIKES

OH MY GOD. I’m sad there wasn’t a pond to jump into with a reed you could helpfully breathe through until the hornet cloud passed. I mean, no, I’m glad you got home, but I am in favor of everything being a cartoon all the time.

NO. I DON’T ACCEPT IT NO.

This is me, reading all of the stories tonight.

What a delightful affliction, I hope my cat gets a Warble soon!

So brave. There’s no way in fuck that I’m going to google it, but the name is so charming that I’ve decided it was something really cute. Like a warble is the real life version of Richard Scarry’s Lowly Worm. The briar was his cute hat. This is the story I’m telling myself.

“Mom, dad, come home. I can’t watch the kids anymore. There was a dinosaur spider and I noped right out of existence. I’m a ghost, goodbye.”

I don’t blame you, it’s the only thing that makes sense to say.

No no no no no no no

“Flappy” is giving me deep, deep shudders. UGH NO NIGHTMARE.

BLEERR FUZZY is cracking me up.

I’m sad that such a cute nickname came from such a terrible thing! Randbee is adorable, but not so adorable that it makes up for having your face attacked by a jerk bee.

oh my god noooooo

ONE TIME I WAS IN BED AND HAD A TICKLE ON MY THIGH NEXT TO MY LADY CHAMBER AND I REACHED DOWN AND SCRATCHED THE TICKLE AND THE TICKLE WAS FUZZY AND HAD WINGS AND I AM STILL SCREAMING HELP ME.

I think we need to reconnect ourselves with everybody else...

He doesn’t look happy to be there. Poor little guy.

I can’t get past the tiny creature at the tip of his nose.

My pants rn.

Hahahahaha, oh Brayden, darling, did you read that delightful new Bruce Williams column in the daily print out of the internet that one of our several butlers brought us this morning?