Oh man. A post sex taco sounds exactly right. And not just because it sounds dirty. I feel like I could accomplish it with a well timed Door Dash order.

YES. I am enchanted. More pictures.

I can’t imagine how difficult those conversations must have been to have for all of you. My best wishes for your family and successful treatments for her.

I endorse this gif and second it with a hearty-

I would definitely use it every time I eat cheese in bed. So... same, daily.

SAME. I was rubbing my greedy little snark paws together and then was immediately chagrined. Fingers crossed for a speedy recovery.

Congratulations to new parents Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tasha McCauley.

Me, to my 4 year old: “Peanut butter.”

4 year old: “Why? WAIT. YES.”

Now we’re eating a spoonful of peanut butter each. Good lookin’ out, Yoko.

Early 2000’s, man. We made some weird choices.

I was immediately delighted.

Wait. What are sibling highlights? What is this thing?

a maintenance worker was sent to free the infant

I will call him that retroactively. And also, I’ll pick you first for my kickball team every time. Not Cool Koolaid President can play on Jenny B’s team.

At the very least, I got a gavel and got to talk the most during student government meetings, which is what I was going for anyway.

I hope everyone was disappointed and called him the Not Cool, Koolaid President.

For real, though. My speech included, no joke, “Ask not what your school can do for you, ask what you can do for your school.”

DANNY NO! Danny promised WAY too big. A single vending machine, while promised with hubris, seemed reasonable, but several Nintendos is about as impractical as, say, forcing Mexico to pay for a giant border wall. Danny F sounds like a Joey R-level jerk.

This is exactly how I sounded when I ran for president of student government in 5th grade. All big ideas born out of a complete lack of comprehension for how things worked, zero actual concrete method for accomplishing anything.

“I’ll take out the tanbark and put in sand!”
“How?”
“... With... truuuuucks?”

FWIW, I lost to…

In high school, my first class freshman year was 7:30, but my last name is towards the end of the alphabet, so I was seated in the back of the class directly next to the heater. I felt like it was an invitation to take an Earth Science themed nap every day and I regret exactly nothing.

I grew up bilingual, and the ownership people feel over something ‘different’ in a public space is astonishing. We used ASL, so the reactions were not the same, nor the motivations behind people who reacted to us, but it was extraordinarily humiliating. We would have people literally follow us and stare while we…