By cute, I mean my underpants were cute. The delivery man did not have stripes on him. Although, he may have, but I was too busy blushing my eyeballs out of my head and wishing my lungs would fill up with blood to notice what he looked like.

I feel you, panda.

OH MY GOD. KITCHENETTE FRIENDS. I JUST ordered from GrubHub and got my order about an hour ago and, guys, I forgot I wasn’t wearing pants. Like, not in the “isn’t it funny how you can order food and not have to wear pants hehe” kind of way, but in the- I actually answered my door in my underpants and greeted a…

This is great and cool and great and I’m excited to sing a celebratory round of “I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude” but I feel like the more important question is:

When is Lori Beth Denberg coming back to my TV? WHEN?

Oh no. God, I’m so sad it happened to you that way. It sounds incredibly public, but also very isolating.

delicious-yet-gross zone

That is a huge fear of mine. My grandpa just turned 90 and he’s in pretty great shape, but I know how like, time and mortality works so I assume losing him is not far off.

I’m sorry you lost your grandfather and had to find out in such an impersonal way. I can’t imagine trying to teach while grieving.

Nov. ‘13.

The first father’s day after was definitely awful. I was born on father’s day, and every few years that day falls on my birthday again. It happens that father’s day 2014 was on my birthday, and I ate half an ice cream cake while yelling. So. I coped? I feel like that’s coping.

Thank you. I hope you and your…

Classic. Middle part, blunt edges. Beautiful.

Often seen in the wild, but nonetheless just as stunning an example, might I put forth for your consideration, the Leo?

Fuck. I am so sorry. This club we’re in, the dead dad club, it sucks. What a terrible way to find out. I remember choking with shock and weird sobs while the interpreter cried because her work day involved telling someone their dad died and all I could think to do was try to make her feel better over the phone because…

Much appreciation for her 90’s dreamboat haircut.

I can’t imagine. When I found out my dad died (suddenly, in his 50’s), my mom called me on the phone and as she’s Deaf, she used video relay service.
I’ve used some form of relay phone service with my parents my whole life and am typically unfazed by sharing personal information through an interpreter, but that…

Abortion stake for unwanted vampire pregnancies.

Abortion trebuchet.

#squadgoals

Your gifs are crushing it tonight.

Melanie, you hateful asshole.

Yeah! Plus, I super rarely eat from the trash! Like almost never! How's THAT FEEL, garbage-mouth Melanie?

I’ll probably watch this.