JIM SPANFELLER DOESN’T EVEN PUBMED

They are gulls that live near the sea, so they’re seagulls.

I avoid this problem entirely by not going to weddings at all.

I didn’t realize until just now that I never see these on shelves and ONLY see them in mini sizes in candy mixes. I have now spent 45 minutes trying to find them online and no luck - haven’t been made for like 5 years now. But:

Putting them all in a bowl on the porch and everyone can just take what they want and leave me alone.

I think everyone was expecting the boos... Twitter was literally drowning in people saying they were watching the game just to see Trump get booed.
Trump trucked in extra veterans to shield him and asked not to be announced on arrival, so he expected it, too.

I don’t understand these words in the order they’ve been written.

I read a tweet from earlier today that the whole plan to bring mini-vans full of veterans with him was just so nobody would boo him when he was pictured on the Jumbotron. Apparently he requested they not announce him at all. Donny Boy doesn’t feel so confident when he can’t pack the stands with his sycophants.

STOP AUTO-PLAYING VIDEOS FOR FUCK’S SAKE

Crowd seeing veterans: Yaaaay!
Crowd seeing Trump: Boooo-
Producer: “Cut back to the fucking vets!”
Crowd seeing veterans: -ooo... Yaaaay!

My 4yo just told the dog to “BE GONE, THOT! TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!”

But why are her eyebrows 4 shades lighter than her hair? WHY EMMA?

Hammer out the chicken so it’s flat and less than an inch thick. If we’re just doing sandwiches and a few nuggets for the little one, I use a premade chicken batter from House Autry. Add a little cayenne to it if I want spicy sandwiches, but otherwise it’s a really good basic batter mix. Pan fry, don’t bother with…

So I previously had no desire to try this sandwich because I don’t like pickles or mayo on my sandwiches and I felt like I had already experienced fried chicken on a bun, no need for waiting an hour in line. But if this thing is gonna be the new McRib, I guess I actually have to try it this time. There are EIGHT…

Every time I read “The Raisens” I start singing “Heard it Through the Grapevine” in my head. Do y’all remember the commercial that had the singing raisins?

I honestly thought that was a tongue-in-cheek parody comment from the author.

No fucking wa- OH MY GOD IT IS

Maybe 2nd bro is 4th bro that just shaved and put on a tie.

This sounds like the equivalent of a very vague “bitches better come at me instead of talking about me” social media status update where they don’t tag anyone or confirm who they’re talking about, so there’s plausible deniability in hopes the person they’re actually talking about confronts them over it looking jealous…