When I travel from Canada to the US for races I don’t take my stick with me in case it gets confiscated at the airport. When I get home, its war-vets-seeing-their-dogs-again level dramatic- all snot-bubbling tears, hugs, and endless slo-mo rolling.

I still crack up remembering an episode of South Park where they got snowed in at the school and after about half an hour people were like “My god, I’m so hungry.”

That’s the nicest thing anyone on the internet has ever said to me.

I was sad that there were no new stories until I realized you don’t owe fucking Denton any new content.

Awww, one last Pinkham’s Law. Thanks for coming.

This will be the last Behind Closed Ovens to appear on Kitchenette. It will not, however, be the last Behind Closed Ovens. Starting next Monday, November 30, the series will continue on Wonkette. If you’d like to read more crazy restaurant stories in the future, feel free to tune in over there at your…

Pinkham, this one’s for you:

I hate those creepy shoulder rubs. Don’t they just make you wanna scrunch your shoulders up in disgust?! Such a little thing but even thinking about it creeps me out ...

oh jeebus the unwanted shoulder rub...who amongst us hath not received one of those (shiver shiver hurk)?

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

Yes, she gives me $7,000 per post. It freaking rules.

My boyfriend loves that but white noise drives me INSANE! So does a fan blowing on me. I feel like it just makes all my little hairs tickle my face all night like a million tiny gnats...

Worst of all? This was the text:

Do you all really buy gifts for people? I (guess) I understand gift giving if you are a family that is into that kind of thing—and I especially understand gift giving with a romantic partner, although I don’t do either. Not a scrooge, I just can’t get behind all the consumerism AND most people in my life find me hard…

The flag of our people. We’d raise it high, but we can’t figure out how that flagpole rope thingy works exactly.

I’m also a little sad that “Defamer, Morning After, and Valleywag will be permanently shuttered, clearing the path for Jezebel to become the primary voice for celebrity and pop culture coverage in the network.” Unfortunate that the “chick blog” is the one that gets celebrity / pop culture dumped on it... if Gawker…

This may not be the place, but I just wanted to say Erin had done an amazing job at turning Jezebel around. Under her hand I started to enjoy this website. I’m sad that she is gone but some of the more toxic people are promoted here and on Gawker. Good luck on the new direction. I’ll go back to the greys now.

Good. The drug’s astroturf campaign was unpleasant, as was its co-opting of women’s organizations to push a drug that barely works (10% of users experienced one extra sexual encounter a month), further negatively pathologizes low libido, and actively makes life kinda suck (for any user who wants to also enjoy a glass…

Bless you, you tiny tiny man. Own your smallness. When you and the Hemsworths get stuck underground while spelunking, you’ll be the only one able to fit through the keyhole to the outside world, so revel in that.