I am looking to hire cooks and waitstaff for my newest restaurant - Punchie’s This Is How We Serve It.

“whom we all called Caramel Lady. ”

This story is being blown completely out of proportion. Greg Hardy was simply leaving the stadium after the game.

I think that gun control would save a hell of a lot more lives.

My friend bumped into him at the grocery store in Santa Rosa over the weekend. Fieri complimented my friend’s hair. My friend immediately started questioning everything about his own appearance ever.

Or, you could, I don't know, actually pay for content you value, and support the further creation of said content. Just sayin.

This is, literally, the only appropriate response any true motorhead could give.

Ahhhhhhhh!

Remember when the Feds shut down the online Poker sites? The ones that advertised on ESPN?

Here's to hoping that Fournette makes the decision to sit out next year, if only for the hawt taeks alone.

In related news, one of the BEST races of the year happens this weekend: The V8 Supercars Bathurst 1000. Incredible racing on one of the best tracks anywhere, Mount Panorama. And yes, you WILL see the occasional kangaroo on the track. Hopefully Jalopnik will post streaming links later this week. Don’t miss it!

My daily fantasy consists of both of these companies going away.

I want to hire a lady to follow me around in a wedding dress, accusing everybody I see of “Ruining my wedding day!”

Ichiro is so awesome. Imagine if he started playing in the majors when he was 20 instead of 29. He’d have had one of the greatest careers ever.

Hmm. I get that there’s no room for him now in a four-man playoff rotation, but hard to believe they wouldn’t want a veteran lefty and long man in the pen.

This is good Jalopnik. Should we start a commenter pool on the total paid out of warranty at the end? I say $15,499.

Unfortunately, not all bioweapons attacks come from outside.

Look on the bright side, Subway. We stopped talking about what you may or may not have known about your former spokesman. That’s something.

Congrats on being the first Jalop today to click on a motorcycle article just to complain about motorcycles!

You’d think Cromartie would understand that when it comes to children, people make mistakes.