Guys, guyssss, can we all just agree to vote together in the general no matter the primary outcome? This is really not an election we can lose.

Bernie supporter here. I’ve noticed a lot of fellow supporters treat the smallest perceived slight as the biggest personal insult they’ve ever heard. Some of em are downright paranoid. Honest policy questions are sometimes met with hostility. That shit needs to change.

Don’t worry, we blacks and Latinos are about to come in and save liberal white America from itself very soon.

I want to star this more than once.

Have you considered “enjoyment”?

No. They aren’t. They’re the left wing version of Trump supporters - basically, because Bernie talks in broad strokes, he’s a cipher on whom they can project their personal beliefs.

Fuck this noise, it’s a totally incomplete list paid for BIG ROOTBEER.

While I certainly appreciate the sentiment, and find it to be a wonderful idea, I much prefer the idea of the literal reading that requires an actual chain between the DH and the pitcher. They must play the same position at all times. The DH has to be on the mound, and the pitcher has to stand in the batter's box and…

I haven’t heard this idea before, and it seems perfect. What are you doing on Deadspin?

I have talked to friends who are Sanders supporters who are planning to stay home if he is not the nominee. They are mostly young and idealistic or mid-age white middle class dudes and their wives. I have never talked to a Clinton supporter of any stripe who would abstain from voting if Sanders is the nominee.

Calm down there, Satan.

Reached for comment, the Pats’ head of IT referred to his contract, explaining that “screw with the visiting team’s electronics” is very clear, and if the team only meant for games played at Gillette, they should put it in writing.

Don’t blame Microsoft. It’s not their fault the tablets are full of spyware.

Please, he’s from Australia. He probably just picked it up in his back yard. Maybe he had to wrestle on of his giant backyard spiders for it, though.

Bernie Sanders Makes Another Sweeping Proclamation With No Plan

I decline.

The NFL’s OT format blows.

“Come to the Cubs! We practically built a monument for a solo home run to go up by two in an NLDS game. If you stay in St. Louis you would actually have to win something in order to get that treatment!”

Goodell: I think this is going to be one of the great complexes in the world, perhaps even rivaling my God complex.

*pulls up suspenders* Well I’m just an honest, god fearin’ Tar and Feather salesman and I would love to win your business good folks.