Except that The Hunger Games already exists with a male lead, under the title of Every Other Action Movie Ever Made: Parts XXI-DCLXVI.

As a White Sox fan, I was pissed when someone read this to me.

You used the wrong punctuation there. You should have written, “Strong take:”

Fuck.

President Dewey favorited your Tweet

Are you suggesting that umpires should be suspended for mistakes and games be replayed after a mistake is discovered? Or are you saying suspensions for malicious play that wasn’t called as such during the game is wrong? I’m confused at what you’re saying here.

Yep. Corrected!

EXCUSE ME, but the Blues’ Robbie Frabbri, who also has not yet turned 20, is also on pace for 82 goals.

Oh, shove it. I’m (mostly) self-aware, I know the faux piousness of too many Cards fans is horseshit. I know we’re not special. I am not being defensive or whining about DS being mean/unfair. I’m asking for better material after two years of a running gag-turned-troll-job. This is not “posts like this” material unless…

Every time I found myself cheering on the Cubs, TBS would cut to some hellhole Chicago bar full of asshole fans, and I’d be like “Oh yeah, that’s why I root against this team.”

The way I see it, it can go a few ways:

1. Bring in Leitch to do an actual “Root for the Cardinals” article. Odds: 50 to 1
2. Bring in Magary to do the “Fuck the Cardinals and Burn St. Louis to the Ground” article. Odds: 5 to 1
3. Just post the headline, “Fuck the Cardinals” Odds: 10 to 1

All odds were completed made up…

Fuck IPA fever. I am so sick of wasting ten minutes per table explaining our vanilla espresso IPA, our 36,000,000-minute IPA, our Antidisestablishmentarianism IPA. Go hump a barrel of hops and GTFO of my face.

I feel like that would be called a “brain contusion”. “Head contusion” literally means a bruise on your head. If I get a contusion, blood usually isn’t leaving my body. What do I know - I’m not a doctor. Then again, you almost certainly aren’t either.

Get fucked on the no-reclining rule.

I don’t think he means for the governor to perpetually walk into Lake Michigan. In this case, “forever” probably means “and don’t come back”.

Honestly, I enjoy the hell out of it. Better reviled winners than lovable losers.

+1 in a week the Cubs have blown out the knee of a starter and hit another guy in the head with a fastball.