Wainwright said what he said; Heyward said what he said. What I said is that “Heyward doesn’t want to be the focal point on his team” is a value-neutral statement, right or wrong. You and Deadspin are the ones reading “... because he’s a wuss” into Wainwright’s words, despite the fact that all the words he actually…

Hochman is from St. Louis, so at least he comes by his gee-whizzery honestly.

Egad. You got me. I was not aware that I was on Deadspin saying things I said. Your comment has prompted me to reexamine every fiber of my being.

Is something wrong with my phone?

Sold, but please keep an eye out for improvisational blunt weapons in the area.

And disproven by the 162 games (and several decades) prior. Capisce?

Why do you keep insisting they grow up when you’re bitching about a website on that website in multi-paragraph form?

So... it’s a Buffy/Spike thing? Although that comparison is still way too flattering to Ted.

Is Purel safe for ingestion and/or injection directly into the visual cortex? Asking for a friend.

Like, with a baseball bat or similar blunt instrument? Please say that’s what you meant.

AUGH MY EYES!

You’re hearing that because you want to hear that. There’s a difference between not wanting to be the face of the franchise and being a coward, which is why Wainwright made no such connection.

This is what really matters to the 32 gray-haired buttplugs who give Roger Goodell his marching orders.

Jesus tapdancing Christ, Deadspin; the guy was asked a question and he answered it with effusive praise for Heyward, whom I daresay he knows a bit better than you or I do, and provided a charitable theory for why Heyward would prefer the Cubs (other than the real reason which was “Star Wars money in 2018”), and you…

Wait wait wait—is this actually in the game? Because floating-Zelda dapping Link is the best and I hate to think that I missed or forgot it...

Always astonished at how polite rugby refs are, even when telling (or sending) someone off e.g. Nigel “Off you go, please!” Owens.

No, you are getting free college because you are GOOD at football. Quid-pro-quo conditions of performance would be called a “wage” in the parlance of our times, and of course we can’t have that.

Perhaps a nitpick, but the Army can’t give a guy a dishonorable discharge without a conviction by a general court-martial (the great big kind he’s getting instead of the relatively minor special or really minor summary court-martial).

10, 12, 14, 16 is four in seven, not six.

[regular screaming]