I kept scrolling and it wouldn’t stop. Thought maybe I was dead and in purgatory.

A Canadian gold medal will still only buy 0.77 American gold medals.

citizen at town meeting: [pointing] EMINEM WITH TUBERCULOSIS IS RIGHT

The lowest point of his life was in January 2008.

Who’s dick game is A1.

Did his horse at least show more humility?

So technically, Shaq is now a Shaq truther?

Sepp Blatter resigns as President of an organization too corrupt to have voted them out when they had the chance like a day ago.

Kit Kat is a trash candy bar.

“It really is the World Cup of Fraud, and today we are issuing FIFA a red card.”

The Cubs no longer support GRANDMA 2007. Please upgrade to GRANDMA 2015 for continued service.

Nick Bodell

“Here, we see a server remove the packaging from a frozen cheesecake that arrived on truck this morning to be thawed in a cooler. And so begins and ends our tour of Obscene Selection of Cheesecakes.”

You know, we usually wait until October here to dump on the Cardinals and have the entire city of St. Louis send us polite death threats. - Drew Magary , God-Damned Liar

This seems off to me. Every dog I've ever had, much like the cats I've had, all made numerous hacking motions before heaving. She had to have known this was coming.

Later in the night..

“If the gum transferred the spit, you must acquit.”