It’s okay. My wife won’t let our cat wear a Serena Williams suit, either.

Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

My best friend and I dressed up as Burt and Ernie for halloween about 8 years ago. Went out and got pretty hammered at the bars, and then I see down the street, Cookie Monster, just standing there. Well I thought it was a good idea to jump on his back, we both fell to the ground, and that’s when I feel a shot to the…

Obligatory:

MAMA MIA! THAT’S A PRICEY MEATBALL!

“Hey, here’s a topic literally everyone is talking about and being asked about at the moment, what are your thoughts on it?”

Coldstone.

Don’t the Mets choke enough without having to call on Daddy?

I’m really feeling the cheese idea. I say we do a few of them!

That gator saved a future brilliant surgeon (who hopefully will not then become a delusional secretary of Housing and Urban Development)!

HOW DID THE KID KNOW TO DO CPR

Mike was like “Good gracious, pasta so tasteless”

“Heart-Shaped Pizza” was the best Pearl Jam song. RIP Curt.

alternate headline:

In all fairness, nobody’s won with a floor routine that’s 50% thumb-dance since Nadia Comaneci in 1976

Counterpoint: There is no cognitive dissonance between A) recognizing that the electoral college is a wholly undemocratic way to choose a president; and B) understanding that the electoral college is how we choose presidents, and therefore trying to work within that system to obtain a not-apocalyptic result.

“Ghost writer”!?! Dang it Ray, did you kill him too?

God, Pilot Wings was great.

NYPD Internal Review

Media and coaches use the word ‘chemistry,’ not players.