Plenty of room to jerk it in that jacket for sure.

This looks like a stack of pumpkins with a terrifying looking child balancing on the top pumpkin, controlling the legs with broom handles, covered in a brown hefty bag.

Spoiler alert:

I’ve wanted a set of “From the Desk of Natface” stationary for the longest time. Mainly for passive aggressive notes.

Zing!

A+ user name and image for this. Bravo.

They may be my favorite celebrity couple. They just seem so sweet and sincere.

97 in Dallas, Texas. Fuck this heat.

deep thanks and gratitude to your father for his courageous service. I hope that peace is with you and your loved ones today.

I can attest to that, I have vampira and it’s very dry and crumbly. I can’t think of a good substitute for you off the top of my head, but I’d recommend going with something else.

My roommate and I call this person “Janice”. Our upstairs neighbor is a Janice and her shitbag husband is Mr. Janice.

I’m picturing that in my head and it just sounds awesome! Like, a star spangled hijab, gold skates, wristbands of power, whipping around the rink to the theme song from the 70's tv show...

At first glance I really thought that was FKA Twigs.

Iknorite?! Where the hell do I sign up?

COTD contender.

My ex boyfriend was really into dirty talk. Once, while I was giving him head in the shower, he goes "yeah, that's right, do you like your dick in my mouth? I mean, oops...shit..." (I'm a cis woman, if this makes the story funnier.) I had to stop what I was doing and turn away to laugh.

Yeah, between mid cities and hwy 26. I called the police as soon as I got home.

These same fuckwads were in my town carrying rifles in front of the goddamn high school yesterday. Makes me sick.

ditto.