“Dragons first” omg hahahahaha I want to date that guy.

Whatever. I haven’t eaten since breakfast and it’s almost 1 p.m. Where’s the book about me?

Before I had my daughters Delaware Hibiscus and Nevaeh-Fayth Osteen I was totally fine with piles of broken glass all over the sidewalks. I had even seen friends dump their shattered mirrors in the streets; I didn’t say anything. Sometimes I even joined in. But now that I’m a father to two girls, who I love even more…

They’re just “words”. Which is an excuse I’m not getting sick of hearing at all.

I think Kylie is the true winner today

P!nk is the best. Never failed to impress me with her performances. Seems like a terrific person irl, too.

I’m tired of my Facebook feed getting cluttered with false equivalency. “Both candidates are bad, can we get a do over? Lol!”

i can’t think of a historical one, I just want to go to a utopia where animals talk and want me to be friends with them.

That reality show woman Bethanny whatever, was on twitter yesterday expressing her expert views on the case and decided that it was obviously fake and done to promote the show.

Excuse you, that’s “Big League”, as in serious, as in high class. Serious people, okay? Because phrases. The most tremendous, the greatest- believe me- sentence. Fragments. Look! over here A Lot. A lot of people. Smart people. African Americans. Hell. Inner cities: DISASTER, okay? Islamophobia? ISISssss *SNIFF* they…

What’s the weirder life? Being married to Hitler, being a favored child of Hitler or being the child Hitler doesn’t like because you don’t have the boobs Hitler thinks his daughter should have?

“Where’s Ted? He usually eats these damned things.”

When do we all get to be outraged for not just Donald for saying vile things, for Billy Bush for encouraging him and assisting in degrading women, but for all the other guys in that bus who didn’t say a word, who never say a word, who represent a majority of men in the world who insist they’re “not like that” but will…

My nieces actually ask my sister why Trump touches his daughter in “the no no box.”

“Can’t believe it’s Thanksgiving weekend already.”

Cher’s command of emojis is impressive. Occasionally inscrutable, but impressive.

Honestly, I cannot understand the batshit mental acrobatics and internalized misogyny that would enable any woman to defend Trump’s comments.

Really I just can’t past how good Rosie looks and how incredibly perfect those glasses are for her face.

Can I rant for a minute about how much I fucking hate comments about “normal bodies” and how “real women” have curves? It’s just so pointlessly divisive and belittling.