Alicia Witt is part of the Portman Posse.

If shit, personified, made animate, could cast its eyes on Gwyneth Paltrow it would say “Goddamn, that gawky, entitled blonde woman is full of me.”

Driving a cupcake into a Christmas tree. That’s just sweet comedy love.

It’s just “Game of Rapes” now, no?

Dear Christ, who or what is the owner of that appendage in the left side of the frame? Ew.

I’d like to see the Deadspin hate for the goddamned Cardinals and their self-righteous jabroni fans brought into article about bass fishing.

This can be said for every holiday, commemoration, festival, remembrance, anniversary, hoe-down, get-together, hookielau, fiesta, etc. and ad infinitum. They, and those who celebrate and revel in them, are not, and are not intended to be “insensitive”. The goal is not to offend you or bring up bad memories. It’s in…

Reader’s note - Like I’m ever going to understand a story that makes fun of Tim Horton’s.

CD’s, man?!? Cassettes.

Are you gonna laugh at me or weep for me? Make up your shitty little mind, man.

No idea what you’re talking about, in any context. You’re a really mean, tough guy who likes Floyd Mayweather. Enjoy that, ya prick.

You had me at the 5th “ha”, you brilliant charmer!

Man, if your idea of sport and entertainment is to pay $100 to watch two tiny, shirtless men avoid each other for half an hour, then more power to ya.

Boxing has become two tiny, shirtless men dancing for roughly 30 minutes. Dancing With the Stars has more injury and intrigue.

None of these people are Michael Corleone.

This is the mother of every woman I have ever dated.

Allergies to one side, I think it’s texture. I know a few otherwise adventurous people who don’t like raw tomatoes. I grew up eating them at every dinner, always a plate of sliced tomatoes, dill and sweet pickles, raw onion slices and green olives w/pimentos. The only thing I’ve seen that can win over a tomater-hater…

I just have to hope against hope that all this gets into Mayweather’s very limited head enough to allow the Flip to knock his fucking block off.

HA! Totally forgot about the St. Bernard/Dave Thomas vehicle! But, really, doesn’t the analogy still hold? I think so.

I’m sure the beer farts will get over my insultitude. Resilient little fuckers, they are.