And suddenly, I find there might be a reason to move to New Mexico!

I am beyond the help of lotion. After touching my arm, my dermatologist literally shouted “TOO DRY!! TOO DRY!!” and forced me to by a tub of Cetaphil cream, which is akin to slathering yourself in lard. It is disgusting and I hate it and it makes me weirdly slippery, so I don’t use it and so she’s still yelling at me.

I can’t really take credit! I stole this from Amy Sedaris, but it’s my favorite insult of all time.

We could call him a cunt, but he has neither the warmth nor the depth.

Travolta + Schwarzenegger + Liotta = WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?

However ... POCKETS!!!!!

Something in me rebels at the idea of wearing pants made by a brand called Not Your Daughter’s Jeans. In looking at their site, I think I’d rather stick with 501s!

Thanks!

I buy them on Amazon, 12 at a time.

By the time I noticed the $2 Palomino Blackwing pencils in a tall glass on the main shelf,

As a woman with a waist-to-butt ratio that would’ve been the envy of Victorian London, I say HOORAY. There is not a high-waisted jean on this planet that I can wear. Long, long ago, in a decade far, far away (the 80s), when high-waists were again all the rage, I wore men’s Levi’s day in and day out because they were…

Having given up diet soda for health reasons (I LOVE YOU FOREVER, COKE ZERO, BUT WE CANNOT BE TOGETHER), my ex-bartender boyfriend has started making me something he calls the “coconut lime squishie.” Coconut water + juice of 1/2 lime + seltzer + lots of ice. Generally, I abhor coconut water, but this is THE BEST…

I so hope you’ll make this a regular feature! I am so very entertained.

It does seem to be a hairstyle! Look a few comments upthread ... someone posted another angle, and it is, in fact, part of her head.

Is that a hapless photographer’s lens, or a daring hairstyle? I can’t tell, nor can I decide which one I’m hoping for.

The weird thing is, being a Mason isn’t an automatic birthright thing. Even if your whole family are Masons, you’d still need to apply and go through the degrees like anybody else. And American Masonry doesn’t accept women as Masons ... so I don’t know what these three are even talking about.

I use Vaseline on my eyes at night. But my skin is super dry.

The tulle skirt and little high-tops just slay me. TOO CUTE. I AM DEAD.

Jesus is the worst pen pal EVER.

She was bonkers. Bonkers people do not get to see where I live.