Gently but with steely determination and a good manicure and, most importantly, with explicit fucking permission.

How would you even grab a pussy? Like a bowling ball?

At this point I think the election is less about persauding any actual Trump supporters and more about motivating the apathetic “meh” crowd of people who don’t really like either candidate and would otherwise just stay home. People like that NPR lady are so completely divorced from facts, reality, or anything Trump…

Make America Grope Again.

Yes, it’s for real. I don’t know how to explain it except to say (as a US citizen): the US of A—bad neighbor? or worst neighbor ever?

He’s been spending too much time south of the border and needs the bitter cold to restore his Canadian-ness to proper levels.

men are so gd dramatic smh

His fingers are so short that he writes with really jerky, closely spaced letters.

I’m just sharing theories.

He’s hardly taking a Holier Than Thou approach. All of those things were done with consenting adults, and he apologized to it. I wouldn’t marry him, but I can respect someone who says “I fucked up, and I can be garbage sometime.” That is NOT what Trump does. Trump says, “maybe I fucked up, but you’re ugly and fat and…

One thing Letterman was damn good at was turning a fun interview into a dark and brutal stabbing if the mood took him.

Probably when he found out she was a white woman apparently assaulted by non-white men

Why would he back down on the racism now when it’s gotten him so far already?

He signs his name “Donna Karan”?

Yes—there are a lot of wtf absurdities going on here, but one of them is Trump pretending to care about women being sexually assaulted. Since when do you care Trump, since when?

I’m no expert, but that style of handwriting is often employed by racist, sexist, homophobic, idiot Oompa Loompas.

Nothing is wrong with his signature. It very clearly reads “Damn Hnn mup.”

Seems pretty murder-y to me.

On a semi-related note: what the fuck is going on with his signature? Do any amateur handwriting analysts want to weigh in?