Michelle Obama is hands down the best orator in 2016, not the least of which is because it isn’t just flowery words, she walks the walk and lives what she believes. I know that she doesn’t like politics but I really hope she answers the call to public service and considers running for office. Perhaps Governor of…

Dear Universe: More of this pairing, please.

Im picturing a bunch of fat white men rolling stolen wheels of cheese.

Somehow I get the feeling you miss gawker more than anyone. Just not the same is it?

Hey, thanks!

Tomato? Is that you?!

Are you aware of oceans?

“I’m not saying you’re going to lose *barely contained laughter*”

It’s like you think you know people and then that guy devolves into out and out misogyny making you realize that he was always a misogynist, he just hid it better.

“I’d like to secure your sack between two King Hawaiian rolls and then shoot salsa at it from a super soaker.”

Pro tip: If anything leaks for a week, seek medical assistance immediately.

Petulant children.

Please clap.

WHICH MEANS YOU ARE CONSENTING, YOU STUPID GIT!

He spent his whole life pushing around piano salesmen and carpet installers and decided he was invincible. Don’t fuck with the NYT, Donny - this isn’t their first rodeo.

BYE FELICIA. I said BYE.

“We welcome the opportunity to have a court set him straight. “

I don’t necessarily think you know what racism really is. He didn’t say anything derogatory about any particular group or individual. He merely stated a lighthearted observation. Some people find the lack of an ass fantastic - such as myself; I was never an ass man. Grow up.

Because she’s willing to go full on crazy while the checks keep on coming.

Is it loud? Because if it is loud, I hope they burst into flames. I hate loud bikes. Here in NH, there are lots of yuppie douchebags that play dress up and ride Harleys. I want them all to meet the same fate as Hopper in Easy Rider. Bunch of fucking jagoff posers.