I am team Brooke’s Mom. She apologized for her daughter’s behavior, returned as a customer, and Tyrone still says horrible things about her in his OP just bc he is angry with her daughter. “Schizophrenic vagina”? Fuck you, Tyrone.

There’s a Russian dashcam to fit every post:

It’s all mine. Surprisingly easy to do in Excel

THE MACHINE KNOWS, STOP YELLING AT ME!

The Tito’s/Tanqueray thing reminds me of this time back in my mid-20s when I went to this party my then-roommate’s friends were throwing. I didn’t really know the people at this party, but there was free booze, so whatever. I’m making random small talk with this dude who, it became quickly apparent, was a total…

This must be why some of my older relatives thought that if they ground the nuts up fine enough for the cookies, I wouldn’t notice they were there, and wouldn’t get sick.

Lakes are well known for attacking unsuspecting people, who are just driving around, minding their own business. You don’t have that kind of problem with ponds or rivers so much, but, damn, those lakes’ll get ya.

I had a woman request a new glass of ice water, because, and I can’t make this up, “her ice water was watered down.”

“How dare you mock the guy for not knowing what the beach is? Some people make it to age 50 without visiting the beach and somehow completely missing the ever-present representations of beaches in popular culture. Besides, many people suffer from Glorpman’s Syndrome, which is an inability to understand the…

My cousin’s son once dropped his fork in horror when he found out my Grandmother had served him angel food cake. “Gramma!! There are ANGELS in this??” We laughed, and reassured it him it was angel free - but he only ate the icing just to be safe.

Oh, it’s still ongoing two years later! It turned into The Great Debate among the adults about whether they were formed that way by their creator or whether they once had tails but had evolved over time to their current form. Ultimately, it appears that we have decided to teach the controversy.

My dog growing up refused to eat peas. You could literally give her a bit of stew with mixed vegetables in it, she’d lick the bowl clean, then she would drop all the uneaten peas out of her mouth back into the empty bowl.

It’s not a “won’t eat” thing but my favorite kid-food experience is when my 3 year-old niece asked why tortellini don’t have tails.

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

If someone is acting shitty to you, you can call them out on it. Being military does not give you a free pass to be a dick.

I am blessed to know many service members who are wonderful, but every time someone comes in and yells at me because my store doesn’t offer a military discount (“MY HUSBAND PUTS HIS LIFE ON THE LINE FOR YOUR COUNTRY AND YOU CAN’T GIVE ME 10% OFF MY DRESS?”) I understand, with deep, deep clarity, why they are hated…

SHITTY TIPPING IS NOT A SYMPTOM OF MENTAL ILLNESS.

Gee, I wonder why people who work and live in heavily military communities often have an unfavorable opinion of the average servicemember, while people 500 miles from the nearest base whose closest relation to the military is their stepbrother’s nephew who did 18 months in the Coast Guard and got an other than…

My son doesn’t like peanuts or peanut butter. When he was about four, he told a friend’s mom that he was allergic, and she, understandably, called me and freaked out that I hadn’t mentioned his “allergy” before he came over. I had to explain to him that he couldn’t lie about stuff like that, or he was going to end up…