Doesn’t this op-ed basically go against your policy of no poop/vomit stories? Because Cohen’s pretentious “Occasionally I like to punish” word salad was basically poop and vomit.

Did you tell her she could “return” it to the nearest dumpster if it didn’t work?

You’re one of them, aren’t you.

When I worked at a restaurant, the owner decided “to hell with pennies” and used the option of the billing software to round the totals up or down to the nearest $0.05. It would round up $0.02 at most. AT MOST.

In my family setting, chips and dip means potato chips and the disgusting tub of onion dip that everyone likes but me. Chips and salsa is chips and salsa.

The server’s response was perfect. “That would be a puddle of cheese.”

I think we’re about to see “The Nutella Defense” become a thing.

Also, apparently everyone thinks that the bed of a pick-up truck is also a garbage can, and thus is a suitable place to dump your half-drunk Big Gulps and other assorted trash.

All of these are great, but the guy driving off with his much-screamed-for pizza still on the roof of his car is my most favorite.

Yes it is. The people working at that McDonald’s had their lives made harder without receiving any corresponding compensation for it. It’s only “not a loss” from the corporate perspective.

The comment about “breaking the restaurant” makes me think they did it on purpose to cause trouble, not because they actually had people waiting for those burgers.

These customers are all skidmarks on the underwear of humanity. Especially that old misogynist who stole his wife’s peach crepe.

I thought the same thing.

1. Upside-down sandwich is the exact same thing my youngest brother would complain about. When he was 6.

Oh my gods this is amazing!

Well, the father was there, too, in this situation. So it’s just as much his fault as the mother’s.

I dunno, if I didn’t know what it was supposedly saying it would be so much gibberish to me. I live in the desert, if that means anything. No humidity whatsoever.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Same.

I’ve seen people act almost exactly like Ferrari guy, only with Harley Davidson.