Since we all might need a slightly happier tale, here’s a great response teachers can have when alerted to this, via a PE coach I had in sixth grade. I switched schools halfway through the year to escape bullying, and on my first day at the new one I was trying not to make waves. During PE I was just kind of hanging…

“she didn’t tip Sunday lunch waitstaff because she knew ‘that means they didn’t go to church.’”

AMEN. At first I was relieved to serve at Steakback Outhouse, which had no lunch service back then, but imagine my horror when they decided to open Sunday lunch several months after opening my location. Oh, the hatred.

When I waitressed, the Sunday after-church crowd was the worst.

“Near the end of my lustrous career I had a drive-through customer who asked for his coffee “stirred twice clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, and four times clockwise.””

I don’t want to say this but i’m going to anyway, religious people are the absolute worst people.

The waitress in that second story was so hilariously clueless, I pictured her as Starfire from Teen Titans Go. “On Tamaran, we offer the free refills of the beverages!”

I think at some point I would have given up and made ‘oil-free’ cake out of yellow furniture foam and caulk and Oil-Free Actor would just have to pretend to eat it. Then I would have force fed the foam cake to him after finding out what an imbecile he was.

I know several theatrical TDs, stagehands, prop masters, etc.

Jamie Allmeyer’s story reminds me of my checkered history of ordering drinks in Utah. There’s the time I was told the wine special was “peanut gringo.” There’s the time my wife and I ordered two margaritas and had four individual glasses delivered to our table (Cuz, y’know, we each wanted two margaritas a piece. At…

FACT: Bears eat beets.
Bears.
Beets.
Battlestat Galactica.

Gross purple dirt and iron filings. Don’t forget the iron filings. The only good part of a beet sticks out of the ground. The rest of it is hog feed.

Every time I see goat cheese salad on a menu I get really giddy until I read to the part where beets are included. They are shudder inducingly awful.

*dead*

I mean, full marks for having apparently watched a variety of nature shows to know about sea cucumbers, but how do you miss knowing about the vegetables?

I would have loved to have seen a salad with 1 quartered garbanzo bean, and 6 whole beets in it.

The waitress’s exasperated manager, the bartender and two bus boys join in the search and they eventually find it - at the bottom of a full pitcher of water.