And did you immediately know that 1 > 150 for the purposes of this map? If you look at the map alone, you have no idea this is based on ranking (1 being better) and not a score (150 being better), until you click and see the ranking label.

The image of Shaq and Salmon Rushdie making chitchat while waiting for the valet is pretty damn surreal.

Fun fact: Fred Armisen did his pitch-perfect Penny Marshall impression for this memoir’s official book trailer. In it, Penny answers a phone call from Carrie.

HE HAD CHEESE IN HIS MOUTH.

Once, I got mad at my husband (like, crying mad) because he gave me a necklace while I was in a serious postpartum hormonal stew fugue state and while he was giving it to me, HE HAD CHEESE IN HIS MOUTH. I couldn’t wait to tell someone what a fucking monster he was and when my girlfriend called 5 minutes later and I…

You know how, when you’re in a relationship and you’re having a fight, you can’t wait to tell your friends or parent or therapist about it because they just won’t believe what that horrific so-and-so has done this time.
And then you tell them and it’s always “I asked him to do the dishes, and he let out this big sigh…

I don’t know what he was doing to Marla with those gloves on, but I’d be game to find out.

He has produced some excellent films. He is the reason 12 Years a Slave and The Tree of Life came to fruition. I want to believe he has some heart underneath it all.

😱 what a terrible accusation. You can’t just go after a mans character like that. He’s probably only murder or something.

Dat ass tho.

She is afraid public will learn Brad is not the father of any of her children. - Maury

Saw a guy in the washroom at a ballgame with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in a wrapper in the other. When he got to the urinal he put the beer on top of the urinal and the hot dog ON THE FLOOR!

I guess. But I’d rather have someone that I can plan against rather than some crazed fuck in a suit. How do you plan for a guy that can literally anything? “We thought he was just going to try and threaten litigation, but then he started hissing and flinging his own shit at us. So our entire plan is out the window...”

I would trust a guy named poop_break on this topic.

Aren’t they still dirty half the time? I don’t eat peanuts but I am 99.9% sure I have seen barrels of them in bulk where the shells are literally still covered in dirt, because they’re NOT MEANT TO BE EATEN. This makes me rationally angry.

My brother’s ex-wife is the only person I’ve met who eats kiwi skin, which wouldn’t normally be that weird, except she is the pickiest eater on earth. In the five years or so that I knew her, all I ever saw her eat was sushi and chicken (boneless, skinless breast only) and fruits and vegetables, which made the whole…

How do you think they’re powered?

By the way, I think we’ve all had that moment where you go to take a shit in a stall somewhere in parts unknown, and there’s no hook for your jacket. In fact, there’s no place at all for your jacket: no shelf, no sink, not even a doorknob to use. Where the fuck do you put your jacket then?

I am definitely putting a hand towel in a sex robot’s butthole.

I eat peanut shells, sunflower seed husks, AND kiwi skins and I vote.