My mans is as straight as his own middle finger...

This must have been the first time Juwan was involved in a basketball game with a timeout controversy... too soon?

I hope someone finds a gif of the Simpson’s episode where Bart is wearing turn signals on his hips at school. As he flees Nelson and the Bullies, he turns on the left blinking signal and the Bullies holler, “He’s going left!” But! He really goes right! A classic blunder gag.

He looks like Gollum: The Teenage Years

Eeesh, imagine waking up to this every morning:

“How to Be a Better Black Person” lost by 1 vote to “Fair and Balanced” as Fox News’ tagline...

And just in general, the “It’s not me, it’s my (insert any ailment here)!” argument is White Privilege personified. Who else gets to claim “inner demons that I am not responsible for” as an excuse for anything? 

Julia Q is froze like Harron in your nose...

This was the best preview of the Pistons season since 2016's expose: Is the Pistons Head Coach Really Ron Jeremy?

Jared: Would you like to kiss me on the veranda?
Ivanka: On the lips is fine.

I assume she pronounces it “harris-ment,” ergo, it’s totally legitimate. 

“Why do liberals hate Cheddar Bob?!?” That almost killed me right there. This was great. 

I’m’a dumb this up by asking... wtf is jaywalking? Is it literally crossing the street somewhere other than a specific cross walk?

SEND HIM!!.... TO DETROIT!!!!

If there wasn’t one before, there will be now! Just get nice and liquored up, drive over to the house with a porch light on, and burn that mother down! It’s all good and legal that one night only. If it has a BLM sign, that’s a twofer!

Ain’t you ever seen Soul Man? 

They don’t know if they white or black
They don’t know if they Jill or Jack

Lots to parse here, but this was my favorite line:

As a white, male, heterosexual, the only disagreement I have with you, Michael, is about the Oxford comma!

Bootcut jeans: No good?... asking for... myself.