I guess the marketing wizards at MLB couldn’t convince him to forgo his national celebrity and certain first round NFL draft status for the glitz and glamour of bus rides in single-A ball. 

Say, which NFL team do you root for?

Movie pitch: bougie Silicon Valley cats lose everything and end up living in a Jackson Heights bodega, where they learn the true meaning of life, love and happiness. 

This traumatized me and scarred me for life. RIP Artax :(

I sure hope Eriq La Salle comes back... I need to know what happened to the Soul Glo empire! Did they pivot into edge control products... or perhaps expand into weaves and wigs? ... the possibilities are endless. Imagine a new jingle! 

I know there’s probably no legitimate reason, but I wish our border guards could stop him from entering. “Nope, go use your own healthcare, Ayn Rand.”

Paul is STILL recovering from his injuries from being tackled on grass 14 months ago by a 58 year old neighbor who is 5'6" and weighs 140 lbs?! What the fuck is he made from? Waterford crystal? bone china?

At a previous job, I was talking to two of my female coworkers about a creepy dude who worked for the company for a billion years in the mail department. Apparently he was a foot guy and would always be staring at the women’s feet. I’ll never forget the sad absurdity of what one of them said.

Yesterday at the bar the Mancs were singing that to which I would reply “your only good play-a” which was true regardless of the result.

My first fictional horse cry was this

I cried when my horse died in Red Dead Redemption 2 so I can only imagine how rough it is to lose a REAL one. I wish Lady Gaga lots of love and peace.

Nothing says man of the people like hiring Marie Antoinette as a head economic adviser.

THE BALLCHINIAN CANDIDATE 

It’s weird how different she looks in that picture compared to now. All the features are the same but the racism seems to be poisoning her from the inside out. 

This should not be a surprise to anyone. At the bottom of things, every racist is a self-loathing coward, and those people aren’t really the most stable, healthy folks. Deep down, they hate themselves for their inadequacies and, instead of looking inward to work on that, aim their vitriol outward to harm others so as…

Obligatory

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Scott agreed to do the halftime show on the condition that the NFL match his donation to a “cause for social justice.”

What did Mitch McConnell do this time?