I’ve always wondered what John Oates would look like if he worked out more.

This is a good start, but it needs way more racial and homophobic slurs. B-

I was going to +1 the fuck out of this fucking post, but the fact that you never fucking mentioned fucking his fucking mom makes me want to not fucking click the fucking star, you fucking homo fuck..

There are gamers who probably haven’t uttered a single word in MONTHS.

He was pretty awesome until he took the mask off. Freezing blaster fire, making everyone around him terrified. Then he took the mask off and we got Hayden Christensen’s “I don’t like sand” whiny teenager again.

“building better death traps for your settlers”

You can tell you’ve got yourself out of position when Jozy scores on you.

Jozy’s most clinical finish in years.

Perhaps the most heartbreaking thing about Babes for Trump is that they have ruined my love of beer pong forever.

“Reagan/Bush ‘84"?

Thought they used an old Corey Haim mug shot.

Man he hit that like it was 16!

I was taking a shower and washing my butt, as you do, and pulled on something. Kept pulling. Started freaking the fuck out. Threw whatever it was against the wall and kept freaking out. Thought for sure I had some sort of intestinal worm. It was a rice noodle. That I pulled out of my butt.

You would have loved my Catholic high school. Every time you saw a senior crying, you knew it was either a Notre Dame rejection or a positive pregnancy test. I laughed equally hard at both.

Rudy is that short guy in a bar who wants to pick a fight with you because you accidentally bumped into him. He is that guy who is constantly getting in viscous jealous arguments with his girlfriend because she was talking with another guy, who happens to be tall. Rudy won’t stop talking about how much he can bench…

*Khaled sees kid on the tetherball alone*
“Congratulations, you just played yourself!”

Interesting that when white guys stack cups we call them athletes, but when black guys stack cups we call them dishwashers at Chili’s.

It’s nice to see his manager pissed on his behalf.

I'm from the south so I know how devastating it is getting the clap from cousins.