Never been sucked into a Big Bang Theory rerun here.

Ridiculously, teams will only use the new fangled DH rule when they play in the cute old-timey ballpark.

"long blonde hair...tan...shorts...whole ass hanging out"

Forget about being a Hall of Famer...is he elite?

Burneko hates blue stuff.

So how do they make rice at your typical, nothing fancy, nothing special, run of the mill Chinese restaurant? It’s always the same, always perfect. How? Why?

"I would have been there but...honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD"!

"They tackle like their Stickum was replaced with WD-40."

Either that or the writer’s lazy generalizations were inaccurate?

Yeah, this would never happen in a cool blue state.

Mine all wind up tasting like somebody put way too much tabasco in the broth.

Through my efforts alone during the 80’s I would think that Solid Gold would make it in the top 10. That show required perseverance and impeccable timing!

Sorry, this has been bothering me since this posted however many months ago. You can't lump Tabasco in with Frank's. Tabasco is legit hot sauce, head and shoulders above the rest in taste and quality. Frank's is frat boy shit.

Good luck getting a gig on the Food Network now smart guy.

Is locking bedroom doors from the outside a common practice in WASPy households or do a lot of people do this? Seriously.

Maybe this is Simmons' "Self Portrait."

¿Tres Ocho Dias?

This! I can feel for you. I almost never wear my grey dress pants because the combination of light color and thin material tend to accentuate the outline of my penis. The fact that I have a large penis, even in a flaccid state, seems to exacerbate the situation. If I wear anything other than loose black dress pants…

yeah, he's right. a little dramatic, but right.

That's weird, I figured Wheels would have bought the plot right next to him.