Looks like even Mathis's sperm got help with their swim move last season.

Robert and his lawyers further asked for the amount of the substance that was present in the sample. The NFL replied that they "weren't exactly sure" and that "Mathis not our strong suit."

I'm just glad Deadspin has never given backward-thinkers like Clay Travis a platform.

My 3 year old nephew, Corner, Preschool, 3 ft 2 in, 35 pounds, My house while his mom is on vacation.

Orphaned as an infant. Comes from broken home (planet).

+1. I thought he was revvin' the ol' motorcycle.

Can't tell if that's genius or the opposite. Z-bo's the female in that scenario?

"Suspending Zach Randolph? Good luck!"

"...and do not get me started on backwards-talking midgets. Those little lurching bastards are lucky to have any job at all."

immediately search Google for Dikembe wags finger...

What a loser. My Canadian girlfriend always puts out like crazy when I go visit her or see her at summer camp. She's so fucking hot at sex.

Magic's throwing some shade-enfreude.

I don't think that's how the lyricas goes, Magic.

What do you mean "you people"?

Ireland was a bit more clever with theirs.

DRANK !!!!!!

Don't be silly. He meant the Sparks.

He doesn't. But he sure as hell has the ability to process discomfort and fear.