“Hey Steve, can you give us a hand carrying this 200lb dog?”

It’s like I’ve always said: if you eat a stranger’s ass in the parking lot before the game, your mouth will probably taste like ass afterwards.

Matt, look on the bright side...I’m sure this feels better than being up 28-3 once.

You know what they say about assumptions...

Weight is a street term referring to selling drugs in large quantities. In other words, he wasn't selling dime bags or zips (ounces), he was selling by the pound. 

Not sure about Mexico. In America, he’d be elected president.

Dash midfielder Sofia Huerta appeared to be groped by a fan

5am? My Lord that’s early. I can just picture Snyder there in his office, across from a barely awake Gruden, stirring his coffee with a sleeve of gatorade cups.

This happened to me a few times, then she reminded me of our wedding anniversary.

““I believe it’s important to support our President whether he was your candidate or not,” Cameron told SI.com’s Grant Wahl.“

I love the idea of, “Let’s combat anti-Nazi imagery with Trump imagery. That’ll show them who the real Nazis are!”

My son can wear whatever he wants while making $330 mill

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

Maybe if you guys try hard enough you could pray the injury away.

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

Buffalo buffalo buffal Buffalo buffalo buttholes. 

Uh, CORN chips? There are other vegetables than ‘chup, my friend. 

The announcer sounds like what my dog would be like.

“Liberals who call anyone who disagrees with them a Nazi! It’s so unfair!” -Conservatives