Uh, CORN chips? There are other vegetables than ‘chup, my friend. 

The announcer sounds like what my dog would be like.

“Liberals who call anyone who disagrees with them a Nazi! It’s so unfair!” -Conservatives

Funny, they told me the opposite if i stopped holding my Marvel Comics in public i might get a girlfriend.

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMALS ARE NOT SERVICE ANIMALS AND ARE NOT PROTECTED BY THE ADA.

They’re not just being polite. That “sir” is an expression of complete, lifelong subservience and obedience. It’s basically a feudal vow of eternal fealty.

Every stripper I’ve ever seen genuinely wants to fuck me. It’s clear.

Yes sometimes when I pay for coffee they thank me profusely and even go so far as to call me “Sir”. So that totally means baristas, and all cashiers really, have the utmost respect and admiration for helping them out by buying stuff. You should see how kind wait staff is to me always checking up me and asking if I…

I need to get to a doctor right away.

I’m not letting my kid get a Participation in Concussion Drills trophy, man. He’s gotta earn his Concussion Champion trophy.

Just okay lol Get out of here edge lord, the starbucks hipster cafe is that way.

Define a lot.

watch a lot of kids pee, do ya?

Why, do the boxes taste better? 

I’ll do you one better. I was visiting the IU campus since a friend works nearby. Was standing at a crosswalk when a car full of white power idiots drove up in front of me, yelled “white power!”, then sped off. Initially I was surprised, I’ve been all over the Deep South, Pennsyltucky, and Appalachia coal-country and…

I know exactly how Andrew Luck feels. I mean, I don’t have a degree from Stanford or a bunch of athletic ability or millions of dollars or a super-high IQ. But I have been booed by people in Indianapolis. And my boss does a lot of drugs.

It is not a sport for weak men. He never should have taken all that money if he knew he was just going to run away from the sport, with his tail between his legs, because he got a couple of booboos. Football is for real MEN and not these entitled CHILDREN who want their paychecks without giving it everything they…