Night At The Museum starring a bunch of MAGA chuds who get locked in an African-American History museum overnight. The wax statue of Muhammad Ali chases them around all night beating the shit out of them.

And if there’s one thing common sense has taught is, it’s that firing an automatic weapon in the yard where your small kids are playing IS likely to kill some of them.

Respectfully I think that the issues with getting sane gun laws passed in this country exist on a somewhat different level than “people being silly on twitter”

I look forward to seeing him picked by the Giants in the first round of the 2020 draft.

Sure, Amell might be embarrassed right now but this serves as a first rate audition for my upcoming epic C’mon, Man, I’m Wide Open: The Christian Hackenberg Story.

“Tom Brady’s Getting A Raise But Not Actually An Extension”

Go away... batin’.

Oh sure it looks bad, but that's only because you put exactly what they said into print with the appropriate amount of context around it to get across exactly what they were trying to say!

“And Suzy died so bravely, filming the very tsunami that took her from us”

Design meeting:

“What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”

counterpoint: fuck the cubs

Never thought I’d see a pro-gun take on Deadspin.

I think it is dangerous to take anything Mario Lopez says seriously.

Woman that was dating 20 men gets mad at man that is dating two. 

But why would you change the puppy’s name if it was already Chalupa. 

But like any threeway, someone’s gonna be left with holes unfilled. Only time will tell

This just cracked me up: “I trust a Porsche to be on the road in 20 years.”

Look man if I am tending bar and some chick with a full beard saddles up I am not carding her and she's probably going to drink for free. 

“Wow, amazing. NONE of the Citroen trucks lasted more than 3,000 miles and they all failed catastrophically! Congrats on the sabotage.”

Sick flip tho