I give both of them 2 years at most.

Yes, the kids dying was the underlying theme of my comment. 

I wonder what will last longer; his NFL career or his children?

It is imperative that you stay true to your religious beliefs so that God will allow your unvaccinated children into heaven

Because sometimes kids just want a stuffed toy and not a goddamn fork with eyes on it. Christ.

Many kids from our generation didn’t survive, but they’re not here to crack wise. To the winner go the rose-colored glasses.

Andy, long since tired of playing with his old toys, runs into his room to put his shoes on. He feels something wiggle around his foot, then a sharp stabbing pain. He tries to take his shoe off, but his foot has already swollen up too much. His heart is pounding, his head is light, and now he must be hallucinating,…

I, too, have gotten rich by not investigating the value of things I buy and accidentally overspending by nearly half a million dollars on a single purchase.

Dear Penthouse,

Don’t cite Bourdain. When asked what he might serve Trump, he famously replied “hemlock.” In 2001 he wrote that anyone who visited Cambodia would want to beat Henry Kissinger to death with his bare hands, and last year he followed up by tweeting that he regretted many things he had said, but not that.

Fascists. You draw the line right behind the fascists.

Yeah, let's all buy a Nazi a sandwich and sing Kumbaya.

Twas a bad day to be orange. 

Suicide. Is there a shortcut this guy won’t take?

You know, the Navy has one simple request. And that is to have ships with frigate laser beams attached to their decks.

it might not have been set afire, but that jersey definitely got burned. 

“Man the 4th of July is really amazing. Sure it’s a bit of hokey, flag humping nationalism, but you really appreciate all the amazing things we enjoy as a country. (Reads Burneko’s dash post) Freedom of press was a mistake.” 

There should be a short dash and a long dash

Sometimes, I can’t believe just how sad and disappointing many of our sports “heroes” have become and how low they have sunk.