As a Chicagoland native who lives in California, I have no dog in this fight, so I can say with some confidence that rooting for Philadelphia teams is far, far less obnoxious than rooting for Boston teams.

1) The playoffs are going to be incredible. I just hope everyone stays healthy

Anyone who says they wouldn’t watch this video if it came out is a damn liar.

No, that’s called getting the room you paid for. Renting a hotel room isn’t free.

no fucking way am i tipping hotel staff 10 bucks without them giving me an enthusiastic hand job with eye contact first.

“Jerry! Bring me more currency so that I may continue my noble quest!”
“But Your Majesty...you’ve already spent our entire budg—”
“JERRY. I NEED IT TO SEDUCE THE QUEEN. SHE LOVES DEF LEPPARD”

Well I’m always looking for creative new ways to tell the world I’m an unfun prick who hates other people’s fun so this seems like a great thing to donate money to!

“Hey, I’m a cool guy that likes to shit on things other people enjoy. Give me your money”
-kickstarter guy (probably)

When the fuck are you ever going to look at that picture of sushi you ate? You’re only taking that picture to brag on social media. Just eat your food and enjoy the goddamned moment. I don’t understand how people can live through an instagram filter.

Hahahahaha... this shit’s all so stupid and pointl

Nah. They’ll cast Candice Cameron Bure just to piss her off.

Fuck you, fuck your milkman, fuck evening TV and take your star.

So, since Lori Loughlin is involved, is it fair to say that this scandal is everywhere you look?

Fun Fact!  If you don’t have Internet, you don’t have to worry about updating your Chrome because people can’t hack your computer if you’re offline.  

Orange County and especially Anaheim are absolute dog shit.

Pretty sure those were reasons given as to why Harper wouldn’t sign there, especially long term

Counterpoint:

Sir, the Overly-Defensive Readings we’re picking up...they’re off the chart. 

Wait until they are three and start being able to talk back to you. Then cheese will be the least you’ll want to chuck at them.

Someone who was a 10-year-old fifth grader on the playground in 2003 is plenty old enough to be an adult writer now. Fact-checking the details of someone else’s emotional experience feels like missing the point.