“I demand a recount.”

--Antonio Cromartie

I mean, hypothetically, if a guest of yours starts yelling obscenities at you in your own house do you ask them to leave or do you let them continue to throw obscenities at you?

the Patriots, as currently constructed, are slow as shit.

I’ll reserve judgment until we see how Belichick has engineered this loss to somehow benefit the team later in the season.

Sadly, it’s the lesser known of Irish patriotic chants.

Actually thought this was going to be a recap of Caddyshack.

And now we have the basic plot to make Caddyshack 3!

Dan, this is a service you provide. Thank you!

These shirts serve an important role in society: They easily identify people you should avoid talking to at all costs.

He was only down there for a few seconds, but his recording device recorded 18 hours of static.

I bet you regret getting the Japanese symbol for “I can eat 50 eggs” tattooed on your left arm, huh?

True story - what’s even sadder for that beer vendor is that his job doesn’t even provide enough to allow him to go back to his home in Kansas to visit his father. His dad had to use some of his retirement savings to travel to Landover just to be able to see his boy.

If you are making scrambled eggs to put in a buffet line for 300 people, you probably aren’t going to be cracking 600 eggs.  It’s a free buffet before a day of lectures in a windowless hotel basement.  You know what you signed up for.

“Don’t you talk about my home state! MY PARENTS FUCKED THERE!”

He needed enough for cash for his brother’s bachelor party in Vegas.

A while back I got curious and went into the archives to read Clay’s first article with Deadspin. He opens by preemptively becoming defensive that people might make fun of him for sharing a first name with Clay Aiken, something I refuse to believe anybody had even thought about. So that’s his opener, but he comes back…

I bet your mom’s glad she didn’t try to hold on until spring to game your service time.

“Roster expansion” is my new favorite euphemism for childbirth.

I’m not a loser. So why don’t you not kill me.

A car that isn’t in a crash costs nothing to repair.