good.

I'm glad to see the Congo spending money on something other than feeding their citizens.

Relatedly unrelated, stink bombs ruined my life.

Millions? You’re cute.

In other news, scientists have finally crossbred a miniature pig with an eagle and it was pushed out of its nest today.

This is like a bank asking for a bailout after all their executives mishandled millions in other peoples’ money. Like that would ever happen!

“Who’s got one thumb and looks like a villain from an early Guy Ritchie film?”

How do you go from building custom motorcycles, to being a coach on the Yankees? This guy has done it all!!

When I first got married my wife was experiencing some pain. I took her to the doc and after examining her he came out to me and said, ‘Your wife has acute angina’. I said, ‘I know Doc, but what about the pain in her shoulder?’

JUST DO IT!

“I’m home!”

This is hilarious, but I’m wondering how many readers are old enough to get it.

Ha...my dental hygienist once told me I had “thick, healthy saliva flow.” It’s like, whoa, lady, I’m married!

I created an account just to ask this question:

Don’t forget all the caterwauling about the NFL being “out to get them” - as if they haven’t won 4 Super Bowls in the extremely recent past. I hear the same thing from Ravens fans. We all know Roger Goodell is largely incompetent, but he must really suck at his job if all these teams he is out to destroy keep winning…

“What do you do Rachel?” “Waitress at a coffee shop”. “OK, and when you get home, do you say ‘if I even see one more cup of coffee...” - ‘Friends', Season 1

My wife’s gyno recently told her she has a “very attractive vagina.” The doctor is a woman, and the statement is true, but it still seemed like an odd comment.

trading Chandler? Could they be any more cold-blooded?

My favorite story I’m not allowed to tell:

He was obviously consumed by a water dingo.