I can’t wait until my genes catch up to be and I have no choice but to just buzz it off.

That picture...

And I catch shit for putting honey mustard on my egg salad sandwiches!

Thank you.

I just did a mental inventory on my kitchen.

That’s something a baby would say.

I was surprised to see Kraft’s name on there as well, because he’s obviously not “winning” in this scenario.

Counter counter counter counter counter counter point: You usually go for the kiss when someone shoves their bulb in your face?

Counter counter counter counter point. Stop trying to kiss me then.

Counter counter point. Your opinion is bad and you should feel bad.

Then fill that sack with testicles. You might have to order them off of the internet.

I bought him an express ticket to Burnsville.

Deadspin is obligated to take this post down immediately.

That something I can get behind, even as a non-Pats fan.

So you’re saying he’s a Pats fan?

“One Plaintiff claims his seven-year-old daughter is so upset by the persecution of the Patriots that she now refuses to attend games with him.”

Man,just look at them all.

I wonder if they hired some kids from WVU to carry it out into the street for them.

The assault on the police horse probably involved a polo mallet.

The scotch and port wine were-a-flowing.